Worth The Blame?

Good day to you, readers!! I have to speak about a concern that people tend to face often, and especially in the face of romantic adversities, obstacles, and uncertainties. Who caused the issue spoken about in your arguments? Who's to blame? "It's your fault for putting up the stupid caption! Now everyone's in our business!" "You're the one who talked to that girl with your naturally flirty eyes; now she's stalkin you at yo' job, and I gotta cut her fingers off because she is NOT touchin my man!" Who do you put the blame on in your relationship scenarios? Let's ask another question more suitable for your romantic growth. Is it putting the blame on someone else really worth it?

Photo Credit: Getty Images via Google

I get that no one wants to be at fault, and societal norms would have it so that most people will point the finger. True accountability should be a reflection of a person's self assessment, but for the masses, it is difficult to face their truths. They say that they're flawed, but when it is time to acknowledge the bad habits, they deflect, or switch subjects. Am I concerned for most couples due to arguments? Yup! Truthfully, blaming your partner for things you both could fix without blaming the other, is dangerous (varies by vocal tone, body language, etc). There are other layers to this issue, but let's attempt to dive into the lake of romantic reprogramming!

How can we detour the instinct to blame our partner in arguments?

NOTE: This won't be simple by any means, but let's try converting the words we utilize.

Scenario - LADIES, your man (or woman) comes home exhausted. You asked them to bring home pasta sauce, Italian bread, and specific cheeses to make dinner. You have the other ingredients necessary to make the meal. In your excitement you begin preparing the kitchen, when you hear the click on the door. The keys have unlocked the lock, and their smiling faces peer through the now cracked, open door. You joyfully smile at them, but..........when they get in the kitchen and unpack the items they bought, you realize that they forgot the cheeses.

Now the smile you had turned into - "Seriously, you forgot the cheeses?"

The joy of your boo coming home became - "Thank you, now we can't eat the GREAT meal I had planned for us, and it's your fault."

While you continue yelling and raving about what was forgotten, your partner's countenance fades, their shoulders drop, and they fall on the couch. You're so busy being enraged about several Italian cheese types, that you forgot something important you should have considered when they came in. THEY"RE EXHAUSTED! Who knows what kind of day they had? You would probably know, but you were too busy assassinating their eardrums to find out. In that scenario, the alternate ending could have gone like this -

"Babe you look finished! I can go and grab the cheese in a moment, but what was your day like? You look like you went through war!" - If nothing else is learned, your partner can safely assume that you value their well being over cheese!

Chrisette Michelle's "Blame It On Me" is a beautiful, musically empowering statement of frustration. She speaks of someone (likely a former significant other) blaming her for whatever they assume she's done to them, though she is the person who shed countless tears. Take a listen below if you aren't familiar:

Learn quickly what happens when you do not avoid blaming other people for things done. Whether you know they've done a particular act or not, SOMETIMES, it is worth "reading the room." Not blaming someone for something, and seeking the root concern of an act (based on circumstances and experiences) could provide a MUCH BETTER outcome!! Learn to speak from love before you speak from judgement, or the need to be right.

This message was brought to you by a gentleman birthed in chocolate, but forged from countless battles,

Extensive blessings to you,

Jose V. Wright, Jr.